Fun - Humor

More fun: Recipes | Humor

 

“You’ve gotta kinda overlap your rats”

 

“I wanna have a gay show and I wanna be the host”

 

“I’m enthusiastic when I’m getting it”

 

“This is like putting food coloring in shit”

 

“I’d do her again in soft focus”

 

“For some reason I’m always better hindsight”

 

“I think my editor needs to resume taking drugs”

 

“If women were made outa legos I’d be the happiest guy on Earth”

 

“I’d get it and I’d do it; but, I wouldn’t know why”

 

“I’m just gonna talk to her as a friend”

 

“That’s a reassuringly low-tech sound”

 

“I’m the kinda woman I make fun of on Jerry Springer”

 

“When am I going to learn that when I leave the American Express bill on my wife’s dresser it’s going to end up on the bottom of the bird cage?”

 

“Sounds Great!!! Well, not great, but better than it did 5-10 hours ago.”

 

“Play it one more time…it seemed like the thing to say.”

 

“Can you add a double shot of espresso to that read?”

 

“Would you like boos in that? Yeah, I want booze in that!”

 

“Why are you harrassing the elephant you bitch”

 

“I’m a walking log.”

 

“It was smoothless” (meaning smooth and seamless)

 

“I can conduct all business from the bed” while lying on the sofa giving Tony direction after an all night session.

 

“Oh, how’d that happen?”

 

“Just lick it around the edges and move on”

 

“Jerk and release” -mistake for squeeze and freeze

 

“He is a limited range of character” re: Owen Wilson

 

“I never knew I had a snow white fetish until now”re: shot from X-show promo

 

“My life is a dick joke”

 

“If you haven’t dumped your cheerleader yet, come back later” re: Men

 

“Try to lower your standards for the next 10 minutes”

 

“I never saw a flaccid schlong”

 

“I think we just need the splittest second before that” re: MX edit

 

“It’s like f-ing a gorilla. You’re not done till the gorilla says you’re done”

 

“Grab the song by the horns and nail it into the ground” Direction to singer

 

“I have nothing to do with talent”

 

“Her nipples are bigger than my penis” re: Farrah

 

“I’m not gonna take that to its logical confusion”

 

“You have a fairly unreadable face.”

 

“Tell him he can sleep the sleep of the well performed”

 

“Two men, plus one woman. Sounds good to me.”

 

“I know a lot of women who would kill for your tapeworm”

 

“It wasn’t until Robin Williams really hit the scene that I realized, hey, I’m okay”

 

“I’ve become obsessed with the mucus plug”

 

“I’m on again off again with the Penis”

 

“The copy is kind of a Throw away–In a good way”

 

“If they knew what you know, they’d kill themselves”

 

“That’s like announcing the coming of the NFL to every night of the week”

 

“Can’t go near that, I’ll smudge it” regarding Hally Berry (she’s too perfect)

 

“Jennifer Lopez and her Low-Pez dispenser”